I just did my first workout in 8 years without feeling the pressure to record a clip to share to social. My compulsion to check my phone or snap a photo was definitely there, but I resisted and tried to stay in the moment. I wasn't doing my workout to post and show that I completed it. I did it because it was good use of my time and for ME. And I hope all the actions I take during my social hiatus continue to be for that reason too.
For those that don't know, I decided after a very depressing week in December 2020 that I needed to sign off for a while. I'm going to be brutally honest about WHY in this blog. I recently started back up with therapy again and 'my therapist said' (I feel like this will be a vv popular phrase in 2021) that I was a perfectionist. I never thought of myself as one. I actually feel like I can be lazy in many aspects, but then she pointed out how I am and how it ties to social. I judge people a lot on social, which is turn is a projection of judging myself. Now let me start by saying I HATE judging others. Its the WORST quality and something I never wanted to be, but I've seen with Instagram how my judging was getting worse. Things in my head would go like "I'm not taking advice from her about makeup when her makeup looks like that", "How can she preach about health and fitness when she's eating that processed crap", "This is so fake and dumb". It goes on. Again I am NOT proud and would catch myself doing this and tell myself 'you gotta get off IG". But taking little breaks wasn't enough. I expected others to live and lead and preach a PERFECT lifestyle based on their profession etc and that isn't reality, nor should it be. And this again is a reflection of me: a health and fitness coach who has not been walking the walk or talking the talk 100%. I judge myself most of all for this every.damn.day.
So throw COVID, postponing a wedding and feeling very little control over what's happening in the world on TOP of this perfectionist whirlwind had me exhausted. Mentally, physically and spiritually. The past 8 years I've been "performing" on social as a Beachbody coach and I had tapped out. Now, I don't take any of it back. So much good has come from social media and being a coach (the travel, the friends I made, the business I built, the freedom and inspiration it's given me). But after moving to WY to be with my now fiance, things started to shift. Some for good and some for bad. Good: I have challenged myself in so many ways physically, my values changed (prioritizing memories over materials), I'm productive in things I wasn't before, I'm outside (even during the winter) every day. Bad: I drink alcohol a lot more than before, I feel like I reverted when it came to passions with my business and entrepreneurship, I feel like I haven't gotten a handle on what I really want out of life. I knew that if things didn't change, I wouldn't change. So I had to do something drastic to shake up my 'stuck' mentality, and get to living out a healthier life inside and out.
Enter: quitting social for as long as I want, going to therapy, beginning a 4 month pathway drainage protocol, and beginning a 9 week fitness routine. I know it sounds like a LOT but I have been slowly easing into these things in the background so the most 'drastic' thing I'm truly doing is cutting social cold turkey. I'm both scared and eager to see where I fill my time with. I've already looked at my phone a few times like you do when you open the fridge for something to eat and see "nothing" even though its full. I have a stack of books on my bedside table to delve into and have already thought about some dance routines I really want to learn. I love to be creative and write, make videos, and stay connected which I'll do with this blog, but without the cost of my sanity by posting on social media. I hope you follow along and share with anyone you know who needs to hear this message too.
I tried to be fancy and leave a comment box below so let me know how your day 1 of 2021 is going and let's keep in touch
xo Jac
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